I don't care

I don't care .......how old I look. I'm old...social security...bad back...grey hair...the whole package. It is what it is. The thing is I don't have to be young any more. I'm not a professional athlete hanging on to the end of my career. I'm not an actor sitting in the front row of the Oscars wishing I had one more shot of botox as the damm Hi Def camera zooms in on my tired face while I struggle to fake happiness as some twitt kid wins my Oscar.

I dont' care....that people think I'm nuts becasue I wear shorts in the winter...heh they are comfortable.

I don't care...... that I drive to slow. My job is to get my passengers where they have to go safely and comfortably. If I have to slow down to avoid a pot hole that might throw some World War II vet in the back of the bus from his seat ...then I slow down.

I don't care....that my daughter hates my "old music". I will listen to Roy Orbison and Sam Cooke till the day I die.

I don't care.....that some people don't like my blog...my solution?...DON'T READ IT...there is no law that says you have to....( all though I think there should be one)

I don't care...if people think that I'm crazy for buying my wife flowers for no reason. She deserves more than flowers for putting up with me and I don't need a calender to tell when I should celebrate Valentines Day.

There are things that I do care about but you will have to tune in next week to see what they are.

Steveisover60: I wonder...

Steveisover60: I wonder...: I wonder.....why do people worry so much what other people think. About what we look like...our hair,what we wear, what we think about any ...

I wonder...

I wonder.....why do people worry so much what other people think. About what we look like...our hair,what we wear, what we think about any particular subject. We spend a lot to time and energy thinking about how others perceive us. We want to fit in...at work..with friends...etc. Some of it can be constructive if we look at how other people see us a constructive perspective to help us evaluate ourselves occasionally. It can help a person grow to get another opinion or see something thru somebody else's eyes.

But we should forge our own path..be true to who you are...good and bad.

I wonder.....why do people think that driving is a right not a privilege? Why do so many think that they are the only people with a place to go allowed on the road?

I wonder....wonder....ooouu ...who wrote the book of  love??....(its a song kids)

I wonder........ how much we realize how dangerous it is to drive with in feet of another piece of metal and plastic going 60 miles and hour without thinking whether the person next to us has any degree of competence in handling their piece of metal and plastic and flammable fuel?

I wonder.....why are people so surprised when somebody dies.?...especially somebody over a certain age.....it is gonna happen to all of us....

Maybe its that we don't think about time moving forward everyday because most days are the same as the one before unless some thing drastic happens to wake us up.

I wonder...why I don't look at the sky more?

I wonder.....how long my dog ,who is almost 18, will live for?

I wonder...if I will ever learn to play the guitar or bagpipes or any instrument?

I wonder...if the people who lived in my house 200 years ago thought about who might live here in the future? ( I really don't think they did...they had more important things to do)

I wonder....I wonder why I waste so much time wondering?

I wonder....what is for lunch?

I can remember looking out the window of the plane. We were coming back from a Florida vacation. I could see snow on the ground and off in the distance was a glow of some kind. It was a fire. It looked rather large, perhaps a mill fire. We got to the ground and dug out the car for the cold ride home. It was nearing midnight when we hit the highway. I noticed some rescue vehicles heading north as we headed south. It might be a big one I thought at the time. Once we got close to our house there were more than several fire and rescue apparatus passing us going back to the highway. That is bad I thought as I reached for the tv remote while my wife and daughter struggled with luggage in the other room.
It was I night that changed a lot of lives. Almost everyone in Rhode Island knew somebody who was affected. It was 11 years ago today at The Station nightclub.
I think of it now whenever I'm in a crowded public place. I think of all of the nights that I spent in crowded clubs like The Station and what could have happened.
Sometimes time doesn't heal all wounds

Today I'm searching for something to write about. I put a lot of my random thoughts at random times on scraps of paper that I compile throughout the day. Occasionally I get "inspired" and the writing is easy. It flows like a river down a mountain. Other days its the Hoover Dam. Some body once said creativity is more perspiration than inspiration. Well today is the former. So I search thru old scraps of paper for ideas. Lets see write about...being patient, bad drivers, all the jobs that I have had, being color blind...I  gotta stop......you get the idea...besides I might want to use one of these bad ideas for a future blog.
Today is about the process. The work that it takes to be "creative".  I have always had 9 to 5 jobs. Thinking that a writer, painter, artist was some lazy hippie type who slept till 11, smoked pot all day, ate granola and got inspired sometime around 3pm and created something then went to a Grateful Dead concert. (ok I never really thought that but it does sound like the stereotype of a 70's artist)
But the music we love ,the books that we read and films we enjoy all come from some place. I am trying to allow myself to be creative. Some days it doesn't flow. So I have approached it like a lot of things that I do. Full speed ahead...dam the torpedoes and see what happens. I cant wait for inspiration ...that takes to long. It ain't pretty but its mine what ever it is. Lately my creativity has come in form of a sledge hammer, chainsaw, bloody fingers and an aching back, but heh who is to say what being creative is ?  I created a new apartment and a pile of wood. I think that I will be a painter tomorrow. Working in water based stain covering white....hmmm the kitchen walls will be my canvas.

The Bar

I can remember when you could go to the local bar and not worry about getting shot. I remember bars with "ladies entrances", pickled eggs and jukeboxes with 45's. Believe me I did see some memorable things. Drinkers, gamblers, junkies, enemies ( I really never had any enemies ....at least that I knew of !),fancy dressers, cross dressers, politicians, celebrities, musicians and friends. Most of the places that I would go to had music and I saw some great shows and met many famous and some infamous musicians.  But I don't remember anybody getting shot. I did see few guns. A once prominent professional wrestling manager who also worked with some local musicians dropped his gun on the bar floor and while attempting to pick it up and put it back in the waist band of his over sized pants, proceed to kick the gun across the floor in what looked like a football player trying to pick up a fumble on an icy field. Nobody paid much attention to his futility which ended when a kind patron with a better ability for reaching his toes picked up the gun for fumbling manager. There were plenty of fights and police would be seen occasionally but there were no ambulances or wounds from gunfire. I don't know why it is different now. I don't frequent those places any more so I don't have any answers. I guess it depends on where you are and the times in which you live. I'm sure that there was a lot gun play in the old west with men wearing guns on their hips and saloons filled with drunken cowpokes. Times change as do the dangers of everyday life.        

My Snow Story

I know that nobody wants to hear another winter snow storm story. So I apologize in advance...here comes another one. I don't care about forecasts and the amount of snow that we are going to get. Unless it is going to be the blizzard of '78. I can get thru it some how. I drive for a living now so it is not like it doesn't affect me but heh I think I can figure out what to do if it snows in the winter.
I didn't have to work so I took the day to do something that I enjoy doing when it snows. I walk in the woods.
These days I have to almost drag the old dog with me. He wants to go but he sniffs more than walks, limps more than I do (which is saying a lot) and has a hard time staying on course. But still he is good company and I'm not going anywhere special in any hurry anyway. I especially like it when it is really cold as it has been and we head down a trail that has not been tread on yet by either animal or human feet. The crunch of frozen ground under my feet gives me the feeling of being off in the wilds of Alaska rather than a mere two miles from the warmth of a drafty but comfortable, cable tv internet connected, home. Toby used to leap in front of me spoiling the virgin path but now I have to look back every few feet to make sure he isn't off wandering aimlessly in the frozen woods circling a tree that has a scent that he cant resist. I stand and wait for him feeling the cold fill my lungs and at same time emptying my mind , at least for a few moments of the daily problems that everyone has.
As we head back because I notice the dog is limping a little I'm think of things like how dangerous this weather can be if you are homeless, hiking like I use to do on some deserted mountain in New Hampshire or living in a time when the only hope of warmth that you had was what would come if you rub a couple of sticks together and hope that a flame erupts before you die.

Sometimes you just need a day off or a least a couple hours. A time to do what you want.  To do something for yourself. It's good for you , try it. Go ride a bike, see a movie, make a movie, read a book, write a blog, phone an old friend, take a nap, listen to some loud music, play some loud music, go to a diner, buy a coffee for a stranger, go to the beach, go for a swim, be alone, sing a song..out loud, have beer...have two,walk the dog, sit on a bench and watch the world go by, go for a drive with the radio off, open the windows and breath the air, walk in the woods...off the path, go fishing, have some ice cream, fly a kite, yawn, look up at the sky, take a hot bath, eat some chocolate. Relax Enjoy
yourself...you earned it.   (Guess how many of things that I did on my morning off ?)

PS...go get em Pats....you can beat this Manning....and the Super Bowl is yours....no Eli this year....sorry...seriously Good Luck!

Chopping Wood

Time to chop some firewood. It's cold so the seasoned stuff should spit easier. I'll do as much as my back lets me. (It's been acting up more than usual lately) The sun is out and I have the iPod turned up, way up ,the kind of up that they use to say would make me deaf at my age. Nothing like a little Z Z Top to get the chopping rhythm going. I'm already running low on wood that I got in September. We have been keeping the heat a little higher this winter...but that's another story for another blog.
I'm beginning to sweat as slice through my fifth log. I needed a little workout today and this is cheaper than joining a gym. Anytime that I can spend a few hours alone outside is like mini vacation to me even if it is about 10 degrees in the shade. I worked inside for 30 years I would sometimes go for days this time of year without ever seeing the daylight never mind feeling the sun on my face. Dark when I left for work ,no windows, no lunch and more darkness on the way home. After several days of nothing but computer screen lighting I would begin to feel more like a bear in hibernation than the manager of a big time television production machine...heheh.  Now when the wind whips down my back and freezes the sweat on the my neck I'm thankful that I can squint into the cold blue sky the feel nonflourescent light from winter sun.
I better stop now because I felt a "twinge" which is old man talk for "spending the night on the couch with a heating pad as my best friend". Besides there is more fun ahead. There is always a snow storm on the horizon and I can look forward to dodging the plows as they wizzz  by sending salt, sand and snow all over my just shoveled sidewalk. Ahhh winter it beats a fluorescent hibernation.     

A Happy New Year !!!

Well this is the time of year when we all look back to rehash what our year was like and look forward to what is coming up. I am like most people in that I tend to do both but I'm not gonna bore anyone with my regrets of the year just past or wishes for the future. I want to be here in the moment. A cold day with the sun out and a chance to walk the dog one more time. He is 17 and he reminds me that every walk could be our last together and far from it being a sad thing it refreshes me and helps me enjoy every step  even the steps we take are slower than a turtle with no legs today.
 I take deep breaths of the cold air. I wait for him as he sniffs at something in the tall grass nearly every three seconds. Today is a good day. I can't ask for more. I don't worry about tomorrow or brewed about yesterday. Today an old dog, the sun, the woods, the cold, I can't ask for more.
Be safe, be happy..everyone.  

Merry Christmas!!!!

As a kid I was always to practical. I was curious. I wanted to know why. Ok I'm like six, I think, and I'm beginning to question this whole Santa Claus thing. Reindeer that fly, an old man with one sack and one night getting to every kid in the world in one night? Come on!!!! I got toys even if I wasn't good and which Santa was the real one? The one at Shepards, at Woolworth's ,or the one driving the garbage truck down the street on Christmas Eve? I personally always believe n the big guy at the Outlet Co. He had real beard, I know, I yanked it once. But there couldn't be more than one...helpers?...yea right ...my sisters my buy that one but not me.

So posed some of these questions to mom and we decided that would I wait up all night if necessary  to meet the real Mr. Claus in person, in my own house. I figured I had to hide because I was told that he wouldn't come if I was discovered lying in wait. I took my position on the stairs overlooking the tree and I waited determine to catch the old man in the act.

Well I stayed awake for about an hour. I awoke to a room full of presents and a sore shoulder from sleeping on the stairs. The old man came and did his job so I guess I would have to wait another year and figure another way to catch the red suited chimney drooping man from the North Pole.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

A weak back about a week back

I'm laying here on the floor tonight trying to do this blog with my ipad held over my head because it hurts to sit at my desk. I moved to much the wrong way again and my back said no and my mind said ooohhhhh!!  I'm use to it happening and it is only temporary but it stinks non the less. I'm not gonna say anything about getting old or taking some drug or going to a chiropractor or herbs, massages, witchcraft or anything else. I just gonna lay here and suffer till it gets better. It's like a cold. It has to run its course. Of course I''ll be stupid and push some snow around or stack some wood or move a stack of floor tile from the porch to the new downstairs apartment ( next weeks blog ...maybe). I can t help myself. If I can move I gotta do something. It is stupid I know but heh I'm...( you fill in the rest)

So until next week or when I can write sitting up again this gonna have to do for now  

Old White Guys

We wander the aisle like lost souls searching for the Holy Grail or battery that fits our old power drill. We endlessly search for a two by four that is straight and paint brush that is made from the hair of some albino goat from the Himalayas but only works with latex paint exotic and costs more than my daughters college education.
We all of the same tribe, old white guys at Home Depot. We have scruffy beards, ripped jeans, some of us wear shorts even when it is 30 degrees outside. We ain't hip enough for smart phones but have the latest pickup that has never seen a piece of lumber in the back for fear of scratching the poor machine. We don't ask for help unless we are desperate and now we are because we have bought the wrong size bolt three times today and we are to embarrassed to go to the same cashier again so I guess we will ask one of the guys who look like us wandering the aisles in orange vests. We like country music because every guy with a pickup has too....ITS THE LAW!!
We fix things or at least attempt to. It gets us out of the house. We are with other guys, all staring at the package of bolts, warped 2x4's that the other guy didn't want or the endless rows of plumbing pipes and fittings for a toilet the has been leaking for 15 years. Heh...the snow blowers are out under the fake Christmas trees next to the blow up Santa who is stuck in some inflated chimney.
Ah Saturdays are great here. A safe haven... a place to wander in a mans world. It is that a woman coming towards me getting ready to ask me if I need help finding the right socket wrench? If I just say I'm ok maybe she will move on to the next poor soul and leave me to wander and search in my ignorant bliss.     

Dead

I sat down next to him wondering why he was alone today. His long time friend and he were usually inseparable. "Where is Bob", I asked. He looked up from reading his paper to say matter of fact, "He is dead". I sat there for a moment stunned at his announcement. Now both of these men where in there 80's and they often talked about how old they both were and how they had had such long and fulfilling lives. We would talk about death and its inevitability. Not in a sad way but as was a part of life. A beginning ,a middle and an end. "What happened?" I asked hesitantly. "He went to bed and never woke up." he said. We talked a bit more but I got the feeling that he wanted to be alone with his thoughts or at least read the sports without my interrupting questions.

I think of death often. I think about it as a part of life. I am fascinated with how we , as a society, deal with it. We all have way of dealing with death and what it means to us. But today I was more fascinated with the words that we use to describe death. He passed on, departed ( like a plane leaving the terminal), cashed in his chips, is taking a dirt nap, kicked the bucket, bought the farm and one of my favorites ....sleeps with the fishes.

I was watching the news regarding the death of Nelson Mandela and somebody said that he had expired...( What?....like the warranty on my kindle?) ...others said that he was lost...( like the morning I couldn't find my phone?). Finally I heard from somebody who describe the feelings of most of his countrymen. He had a "transitional passing". It was a description of this as part of his life. He had done his work and moved on to become a memory. Somebody that they would think of more for what he stood for than the his physical presence here on earth.

You can believe what you want about what happens when we stop breathing, as somebody once said, "whatever gets you thru the night" To me it is a personal matter. I live better knowing that there is an end. In the moment I guess. But the reality is that someday all of us and everyone we know will be dead....so enjoy what you have while you have it.

PS ..This what not meant to be depressing. Just my thoughts on death...maybe its more about life.

Have a great day!!  

Thanksgiving

It is has always been my favorite holiday. It is American, its food, family, friends and football...what could be better. I enjoy it because most people get to stop and enjoy some or all of those things. Most people celebrate it in some way. Unlike other holidays that have become more fragmented and enjoyed by some but insulting to others....ahhh...I cant keep up with what is politically correct. (what do you call that tree some of us buy in another few weeks ?)

I have memories of Thanksgiving that include driving to my sister's house with my father and I talking so much about politics and Notre Dame football that I miss the exit. The tradition of listening to Arlo Guthrie at noon time no matter where I am. The day that I picked to vegan for the next 15 years. ( I am back to gobbling on almost everything now.)

Well this a the holiday version of my blog so I'm gonna be short because I have to get the pies and wine. Try to be thankful tomorrow and everyday for what you

have

.  There is plenty of time to get the things that you

want,

later. I hope that everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving

PS   I hope that the balloons get off the ground tomorrow

Shopping

As we walk down the aisle of the auto parts store I'm reminded of a day many years ago when my daughter was 6 years old and we were Christmas shopping for mom in a local clothing store and she wanted to pick out the present on her own. She directed me to leave her alone and to go to another part of the store but not to leave. I caught the eye of member of the stores sales staff and asked if she could help my daughter. I drifted into the shadows in another part of the store and watched as my daughter meticulously set out to find the perfect gift. It took a half hour of patience by the store clerk and many scarfs, hand bags and gloves before my daughter decided on the perfect gift. I knew that she was done because as they both approached the counter my daughter suddenly began looking around for me...and the cash. She asked if I had some money that she could borrow because this was her gift and since she was to young to have a job so she had to use my money but she would pay me back.
Well now some 16 years later I'm shopping again but in what seemed to me to be an unlikely place for both of us to be shopping together ,an auto parts store. She had just gotten her first car and I was in town to help with insurance ,registration, inspections , etc.  Well all of that was finished now and we were trolling the aisles looking for windshield wipers ,an ice scraper and other things that she or I thought she would need in the new wheels. It was a scene that I could not have envisioned that day before Christmas many years ago but as we both stood shivering in the parking lot putting on the new wipers and she asked if I could show her how to check the oil I knew that time may change but it is what you do together with that time that is important.

Sleep?

No Sleep....well not no sleep at all but the kind of night where I toss and turn get up watch a rerun of Andy Griffith and an infomercial with my look a like Chuck Norris and his Total Gym and pass out for and hour on the couch then check my email and pay some bills at 2:45am while listening to something in the backyard that sounds like a coyote or fox or a neighbor who has the same problem as me and is outside raking his leaves.....wait I'm losing my mind....relax...so its 3:45am I can still get a few hours of sleep and have a productive day...I can turn off my computer, tv and cell phone but I don't have a switch for my brain. Ok lets plan the day while I lay on couch wondering how I'm gonna paint the ceiling without getting some kind of scaffolding......I can focus...what was I thinking about ...oh yea...planning my day...mmmm Home Depot...call the insurance company...did I just pay their bill?? ...its that the sound of the boiler or the dog snoring?... a burglar?...dammm I'm drifting again...heh wait I must be tired ...lets try to sleep again...to late...I hear the birds...its morning...the sun will be up soon...lets see what Al Roker is doing ....ahh a beautiful sunny morning....another 16 hours and I'll try that sleep thing again... 

I hate to give up.

I know that it is the end of summer and the growing season. I know this because I'm raking leaves everyday. I know because wearing shorts while walking the dog in the morning is starting to get some stares...( I'm used to that ...I wear shorts all the time...) , at least I hope that is why they are staring at me. The summer is over but I cant give up on things so easily like the tomato plants hanging from the Job Lot bought upside down tomato growing thing on the porch. There are a few tomatoes clinging to life and I want to give them a chance at another sunny day before I devour them in my salad. I know that the hanging plants that we bought in May are almost dead but I water them everyday somehow hoping that the water will give them some kind of the ability to survive 30 degree nights.
I also extended this never give up behavior to other things like , keeping old tee shirts that are more holes than cloth, saving boxes that come from UPS because you never know when you will need one for something I've sold on EBay and I hate to give up on food that still might be edible but might not look or smell like it used to.
One of the things that I never give up on is people. I have friends, family and others who I may not see often enough or have somehow have let drop from my life, but I never give up hope that we will get together again, somehow, someday. I have often said that I never give up on a relationship with a family member or friend because of omission. Something that one or both of us should have done to stay in touch. And I have yet to come upon something that somebody has done to me that would be so bad that it would ban them from my life forever. Maybe I'm a sucker but I hate to give up on people. There is always hope. I think I'll get some leftovers put on an old tee shirt and water my tomatoes. It is suppose to be warm tomorrow and they may just grow a bit more.  

Go Sox!!!.....blog day can wait...you can read it tomorrow ...

A New Path

We get older and things change. Jobs,friends,the creaking in your knees, nothing stays the same like it did when you were young and everyday seemed to last forever. I remember wishing I was older so that I could either drive,stay up and watch Johnny Carson or least stay out past the time when the street light came on. Now some of us wish that the days would just slow down and last a bit longer.
We do things everyday that become routine. We do them without thinking. When something disrupts the routine in a bad way like a sickness or injury to ourselves or somebody we know or love we examine the routine. Usually using the perspective of this negative interruption we describe ourselves as being in a "rut". That is a negative description of the daily routine. A rut is comfortable and easy because we have done it many times, gone down the same path. We know what expect, what is around the next corner, we can handle it because we have done it before.  Sometimes you have to force your self to try something different. Walking the dog in the woods I would look for a new path in the woods just for a Change of scenery. The same woods but a different perspective. It's easy to do that walking your dog in the woods but not so easy in everyday life, especially if you have been doing things the same way for a long time.  Life is sometimes scary enough without going looking for new troubles. It's easier to keep the problems that we know, at least they are familiar. But being scared is sometimes what it is all about. Scared to stand up to a bully who took your moms homemade chocolate deserts at lunch in the third grade. Scared on your license road test because the only driver training that your dad gave was " don't get caught speeding " Scared when you wake up in a New Jersey hotel room and look at your sleeping wife and newly adopted daughter and realize that you know nothing about being a dad. Not all of life's changes are for the good and but sometimes being scared can lead you the best path of your life. 

Dont you hate stories about the weather???...I know I do..to bad here is another one but you have been warned

It's over. The summer. For me there are only two seasons...summer and winter...warm and cold...everything else is just a marketing ploy to sell us stuff.
I tried to keep it going as long as I could but today I gave in to the inevitable.
I put a fire in the wood stove. I wanted to test the new wood and make sure there were no problems with the stove since last year but mostly I wanted to get warm. Last night I closed the windows for sleeping for the first time since April. I won't have fresh air while I sleep. And I know when I wake up it will be, for me, the worst part of my the day. That time when I leave the embrace of a warm bed only to face the cold blast of reality and a 50 something degree bedroom. ( I refuse to heat the house at night just to keep a 17 year dog warm)
I've been raking leaves for a week or two but that was during warm days with fluffy colorful leaves like the ones that you see on the tv commercials for insurance and reverse mortgages. Soon the leaves will be wet from a cold rain and the snow that fell over night...I know its coming...sigh!!
They are playing baseball tonight in Fenway and I know the fans will be dressed more for a Patriot playoff game than for night watching the boys of summer. (that is another story for another day...a summer sport playing its most important games during hockey season...argghhh!!)
It's over. The sunny warm days at the beach. The long days of eating clam cakes and wearing shorts. (heh...wait I wear shorts in the winter and ride my bike all winter...I can still by chowda somewhere...I love hiking in snow with the dog...I like Christmas, my birthday and football season....all of which come when the weather is cold...so I guess the best is yet to come...except for those dammm cold mornings.)